In my life I have encountered many different situations worth putting on paper. My first real experience with the power of writing was when I was seventeen, and I had no one to turn to by my creative self. My life seemed to be in an uncontrollable landslide with no sign of improvement, when I discovered a solution. Writing, it was my escape from reality. It was somewhere that I could decide my own destiny, and it created a vent for the anger that was built up inside me.
My frustration was at an all time high, the level of confusion in my world was unbearable. I locked myself in my room, and I tried to explain my life to myself, as if I were my own therapist. "Confusion" was my first work, and the green light, on my road to recovery. My poetic structure may have been disastrous, but the meaning of the poem was true. The beginning of the poem was my life as the exact moment that I was writing. The more I wrote the clearer the details became. I began to see answers where there was once only confusion. My attitude in a matter of verses had new meaning.
In the days to come and the confrontations to tend with, I stuck to my writing for the answers. I wrote a poem to describe my attitude and translate my feelings as if I were on the outside looking in. In a way it was an out of body experience, because I'm not really sure of who the person was, with pen in hand. I shared my collection of poetry with some of my closer friends at school as if I were exposing my true self. I believe that they to had a dilemma when it came to talking about personal feelings. We traded our experiences and attitudes like baseball cards, and helped each other inadvertedly through tough times.
Writing has always been quite a task to me, because I have a tough time putting my thoughts into words. Creative writing may be the easiest method, because it is more difficult to tell someone when they are right or wrong. I wrote a paper on the style of writing used by Louis L'Amour, and I truly enjoyed myself. In most instances we never know nearly enough about our subject, but are forced to create a masterpiece. In this case it was the opposite. I have read more novels written by L'Amour than anyone that I know. I was not only prepared to write the paper, but eager to display my respect of my subject.
I wrote page after page with no end in sight. I didn't even have to try to make my paper sound impressive. I didn't use big words with meanings I really didn't understand to make myself seem intelligent and knowledgeable. I let myself go in a sense, and allowed my pen to take me to another level. I wasn't too concerned with style or structure because I didn't want techicalities to interfere with my expression. It was almost too easy. It was the first time I truly enjoyed doing my homework. I handed in that paper with a sense of pride instead of fear for what grade I might obtain.
It was a turning point in my writing career, when my teacher handed me my A+. Of course, that was only after he had read it aloud in class. The embarrassment was overwhelming, but not to exceed the level of pride I felt within. I saw a new horizon where fear no longer ran rampid in my English class. I believe it was where my interest took a turn for the better, and suddenly school became bearable. If I could find the appealing aspect in all of my subjects, I could live the stress free life of a college student again.
I can't quite remember when I started keeping a journal, but I'm glad I did. It began as only a few notes a day to keep track of my life. If someone else would have seen it, they probably would have thought it was a list of things to do. It was like my journal of life. I could look at it in a wide perspective and see which direction my life was heading. It wasn't the escape I obtained from poetry, but it was a way of keeping tab of my life. It was the easiest writing I have ever done because I knew there was no one grading me. I wrote with a simple freedom about things I had seen and done. I don't know if I outgrew my journal or lost the desire, but I'm certain my increased nightlife didn't aid my continuing.
I like to think the reason that I stopped keeping a journal is because I discovered a direction life. My future didn't seem to promise that my writing would put food on the table, so recently I have kept my distance. The one comfort that I will always have is my ability to heal myself if necessary. Other experiences can not compare to the way writing has affected my life. I know that I'm not a Stephen King, but in my heart every one of my works is worth millions.
This website has been an inspiration to my creative self. It has opened the flood gates, and I feel that maybe I might start to write again. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I remember a time when it was my favorite past time, and I know it couldn't hurt to rekindle an old flame.
Creativity is what my writing is based on, which allows me more freedom in my style of writing. I enjoy to write a poem, an don the other hand I despise having to do a book report. It's a lot like a butterfinger versus broccoli, it's not hard to decipher which I really like. It affects my attitude on writing, because it esablishes a frame of mind. The majority of my writing has been based on my experiences in life. I'm quite certain in the near future, I will have many more situations to select upon to write about. That may be the answer I have been looking for. Whenever life seems to spin and twirl like an amusement park ride, I become inspired amidst the confusion. My creativity appears as a creature in the madness enraged to be released. It's hard to believe that with only a pen and paper, I can release pent up emotions and restore peace and tranquility to myself once again. I look forward to my next poem, because I haven't had any deep healing in quite a spell.